{"id":5254,"date":"2026-06-03T20:51:51","date_gmt":"2026-06-03T19:51:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=5254"},"modified":"2026-06-03T20:51:51","modified_gmt":"2026-06-03T19:51:51","slug":"je-mi-ted-dvaactyricet-a-kdyby-mi-nekdo-pred-sedmi-lety-rekl-ze-se-nekdy-znovu-vdam-po-ztrate-manzela-podivala-bych-se-mu-do-oci-a-beze-slova-odesla-protoze-kdyz-alex-zemrel-mela-jsem-pocit-ze-s","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=5254","title":{"rendered":"Je mi te\u010f dvaa\u010dty\u0159icet. A kdyby mi n\u011bkdo p\u0159ed sedmi lety \u0159ekl, \u017ee se n\u011bkdy znovu vd\u00e1m po ztr\u00e1t\u011b man\u017eela, pod\u00edvala bych se mu do o\u010d\u00ed a beze slova ode\u0161la. Proto\u017ee kdy\u017e Alex zem\u0159el, m\u011bla jsem pocit, \u017ee s n\u00edm zem\u0159ela i \u010d\u00e1st m\u011b"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Je mi te\u010f dvaa\u010dty\u0159icet. A kdyby mi n\u011bkdo p\u0159ed sedmi lety \u0159ekl, \u017ee se znovu vd\u00e1m, po tom v\u0161em, co jsem pro\u017eila, pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b bych se jen ti\u0161e zvedla a ode\u0161la. Bez h\u00e1dky, bez vysv\u011btlen\u00ed. Proto\u017ee tehdy jsem byla p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010den\u00e1, \u017ee n\u011bkter\u00e9 v\u011bci v \u017eivot\u011b se prost\u011b nedaj\u00ed p\u0159ekro\u010dit.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Kdy\u017e Alex zem\u0159el, sv\u011bt se nezastavil. To je prvn\u00ed iluze, kterou si \u010dlov\u011bk mus\u00ed p\u0159iznat. V\u0161echno pokra\u010dovalo d\u00e1l \u2014 auta jezdila po ulic\u00edch, lid\u00e9 chodili do pr\u00e1ce, obchody se otev\u00edraly a zav\u00edraly. Jen j\u00e1 jsem m\u011bla pocit, \u017ee jsem z\u016fstala n\u011bkde mezi t\u00edm v\u0161\u00edm, mimo \u010das.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bylo to, jako by se ve mn\u011b n\u011bco p\u0159etrhlo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne dramaticky, ne nahlas. Sp\u00ed\u0161 tich\u00fdm, nen\u00e1padn\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem, kter\u00fd si uv\u011bdom\u00edte a\u017e ve chv\u00edli, kdy se sna\u017e\u00edte znovu nadechnout a zjist\u00edte, \u017ee to nejde stejn\u011b jako d\u0159\u00edv.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alex nebyl jen m\u016fj man\u017eel. Byl to m\u016fj orienta\u010dn\u00ed bod. \u010clov\u011bk, ke kter\u00e9mu jsem se vracela, kdy\u017e byl sv\u011bt p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 hlu\u010dn\u00fd, p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 rychl\u00fd nebo p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 chaotick\u00fd. A najednou tu nebyl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Z\u016fstaly jen vzpom\u00ednky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A pr\u00e1zdn\u00e9 m\u00edsto vedle m\u011b v posteli, kter\u00e9 se s \u010dasem nezmen\u0161ovalo, ale naopak se zd\u00e1lo b\u00fdt v\u011bt\u0161\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prvn\u00ed m\u011bs\u00edce jsem fungovala jen d\u00edky rutin\u011b. Vst\u00e1vat, pracovat, j\u00edst, sp\u00e1t. Lid\u00e9 mi \u0159\u00edkali, \u017ee \u010das pom\u016f\u017ee. \u017de bolest se zm\u00edrn\u00ed. Ale \u010das neodnesl bolest pry\u010d. Jen ji nau\u010dil ti\u0161e sed\u011bt v kout\u011b a \u010dekat, a\u017e na ni znovu naraz\u00edm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u011bkdy to bylo v obchod\u011b, kdy\u017e jsem vid\u011bla n\u011bco, co by se mu l\u00edbilo. N\u011bkdy p\u0159i hudb\u011b v r\u00e1diu. N\u011bkdy \u00fapln\u011b bez varov\u00e1n\u00ed, jen tak, uprost\u0159ed oby\u010dejn\u00e9ho dne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A poka\u017ed\u00e9 to bolelo stejn\u011b.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roky plynuly a j\u00e1 jsem se postupn\u011b nau\u010dila \u017e\u00edt vedle t\u00e9 bolesti, ne p\u0159es ni. Ne\u0161lo o uzdraven\u00ed. Sp\u00ed\u0161 o p\u0159izp\u016fsoben\u00ed. Jako kdy\u017e si \u010dlov\u011bk zvykne na jizvu, kter\u00e1 u\u017e nezmiz\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P\u0159\u00e1tel\u00e9 se m\u011b sna\u017eili vyt\u00e1hnout ven. Rodina mi \u0159\u00edkala, \u017ee \u017eivot pokra\u010duje. A j\u00e1 jsem jim v\u011b\u0159ila, ale z\u00e1rove\u0148 jsem v\u011bd\u011bla, \u017ee n\u011bkter\u00e9 \u010d\u00e1sti m\u011b z\u016fstaly v tom dni, kdy Alex naposledy zav\u0159el o\u010di.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A pak p\u0159i\u0161el n\u011bkdo nov\u00fd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne\u010dekan\u011b, bez dramatick\u00fdch gest, bez pocitu, \u017ee se sv\u011bt ot\u0159\u00e1s\u00e1. Sp\u00ed\u0161 ti\u0161e, pomalu, jako kdy\u017e se n\u011bkdo posad\u00ed vedle v\u00e1s na lavi\u010dku a vy si nejd\u0159\u00edv ani neuv\u011bdom\u00edte, \u017ee u\u017e tam nen\u00ed pr\u00e1zdno.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nejprve jsem ho necht\u011bla pustit bl\u00ed\u017e. Ne proto, \u017ee by byl \u0161patn\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk, ale proto\u017ee jsem si nebyla jist\u00e1, jestli je ve mn\u011b v\u016fbec je\u0161t\u011b prostor pro n\u011bco nov\u00e9ho.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ka\u017ed\u00fd jeho krok sm\u011brem ke mn\u011b jsem vn\u00edmala opatrn\u011b. Ka\u017ed\u00e9 slovo jsem porovn\u00e1vala s t\u00edm, co bylo d\u0159\u00edv. A \u010dasto jsem se p\u0159istihla, \u017ee v\u016fbec nesrovn\u00e1v\u00e1m jablka s jablky, ale dva \u00fapln\u011b odli\u0161n\u00e9 sv\u011bty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On to ch\u00e1pal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To bylo mo\u017en\u00e1 to nejnebezpe\u010dn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Netla\u010dil na m\u011b. Nevy\u017eadoval rychlost. Jen tam byl. Trp\u011bliv\u011b. Stabiln\u011b. Tak, jak jsem si myslela, \u017ee u\u017e to nikdy nep\u016fjde.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jednoho dne jsme spolu sed\u011bli venku, bylo pozdn\u00ed odpoledne a sv\u011btlo m\u011blo ten zvl\u00e1\u0161tn\u00ed klid, kter\u00fd p\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed jen na konci dne. Mluvili jsme o v\u0161em mo\u017en\u00e9m i nemo\u017en\u00e9m, a pak nastalo ticho, kter\u00e9 nebylo nep\u0159\u00edjemn\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A j\u00e1 jsem si uv\u011bdomila n\u011bco, co m\u011b samotnou p\u0159ekvapilo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u017de poprv\u00e9 po letech nec\u00edt\u00edm jen absenci.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ale i p\u0159\u00edtomnost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne n\u00e1hradu. Ne zapomenut\u00ed. Jen nov\u00fd prostor, kter\u00fd se vedle star\u00e9 bolesti za\u010dal ti\u0161e vytv\u00e1\u0159et.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Znovu se vd\u00e1t neznamenalo zapomenout na Alexe. To jsem pochopila a\u017e mnohem pozd\u011bji. Znamenalo to p\u0159iznat si, \u017ee l\u00e1ska nemus\u00ed b\u00fdt jen jedna kapitola, kter\u00e1 uzav\u0159e v\u0161echny ostatn\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u017de srdce nen\u00ed uzav\u0159en\u00fd p\u0159\u00edb\u011bh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ale n\u011bco, co se u\u010d\u00ed \u017e\u00edt i s t\u00edm, co u\u017e jednou ztratilo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A i kdy\u017e bych tehdy, p\u0159ed sedmi lety, na takovou my\u0161lenku nedok\u00e1zala ani pomyslet\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

dnes v\u00edm, \u017ee p\u0159e\u017e\u00edt neznamen\u00e1 jen pokra\u010dovat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u011bkdy to znamen\u00e1 dovolit si za\u010d\u00edt znovu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Je mi te\u010f dvaa\u010dty\u0159icet. A kdyby mi n\u011bkdo p\u0159ed sedmi lety \u0159ekl, \u017ee se znovu vd\u00e1m, po tom v\u0161em, co jsem pro\u017eila, pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5255,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"views":1,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5254"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5254\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5256,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5254\/revisions\/5256"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5255"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}