{"id":4330,"date":"2026-03-05T20:22:06","date_gmt":"2026-03-05T20:22:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=4330"},"modified":"2026-03-05T20:22:06","modified_gmt":"2026-03-05T20:22:06","slug":"moje-pritelkyne-tvrdily-ze-jsem-se-zblaznila-podle-nich-by-zena-v-padesati-ctyrech-letech-kterou-opustil-manzel-nemela-znovu-pokukovat-po-muzich-ale-smirit-se-s-klidnym-nenapadnym-zivotem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=4330","title":{"rendered":"Moje p\u0159\u00edtelkyn\u011b tvrdily, \u017ee jsem se zbl\u00e1znila. Podle nich by \u017eena v pades\u00e1ti \u010dty\u0159ech letech, kterou opustil man\u017eel, nem\u011bla znovu pokukovat po mu\u017e\u00edch, ale sm\u00ed\u0159it se s klidn\u00fdm, nen\u00e1padn\u00fdm \u017eivotem."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u0158\u00edkaly to s jistotou, jako by existoval n\u011bjak\u00fd nepsan\u00fd z\u00e1kon, kter\u00fd p\u0159esn\u011b ur\u010duje, kdy m\u00e1 \u017eena p\u0159estat sn\u00edt, kdy m\u00e1 zav\u0159\u00edt dve\u0159e za minulost\u00ed a ti\u0161e se usadit v samot\u011b. J\u00e1 jsem jim naslouchala, n\u011bkdy jsem dokonce p\u0159ikyvovala, ale hluboko uvnit\u0159 m\u011b n\u011bco vzdorovalo. N\u011bco, co se odm\u00edtalo vzd\u00e1t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Kdy\u017e m\u011b man\u017eel opustil, sv\u011bt se na chv\u00edli zastavil. Po t\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 t\u0159iceti letech spole\u010dn\u00e9ho \u017eivota jsem si nedok\u00e1zala p\u0159edstavit, jak bude vypadat oby\u010dejn\u00e9 pond\u011bl\u00ed bez jeho rann\u00ed k\u00e1vy, bez zvuku jeho krok\u016f v chodb\u011b, bez tich\u00fdch ve\u010der\u016f u televize. Najednou byl pry\u010d. Z\u016fstalo po n\u011bm jen p\u00e1r pr\u00e1zdn\u00fdch ram\u00ednek ve sk\u0159\u00edni a zvl\u00e1\u0161tn\u00ed ticho, kter\u00e9 naplnilo cel\u00fd byt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prvn\u00ed m\u011bs\u00edce byly zvl\u00e1\u0161tn\u00ed sm\u011bsic\u00ed bolesti, zmatku a podivn\u00e9 \u00falevy. Dlouho jsem si to necht\u011bla p\u0159iznat, ale s postupem \u010dasu jsem si za\u010dala uv\u011bdomovat, \u017ee n\u00e1\u0161 vztah u\u017e d\u00e1vno nebyl t\u00edm, \u010d\u00edm b\u00fdval. \u017dili jsme vedle sebe sp\u00ed\u0161 ze zvyku ne\u017e z l\u00e1sky. P\u0159esto m\u011b jeho odchod zas\u00e1hl hluboko. Ne kv\u016fli n\u011bmu samotn\u00e9mu, ale kv\u016fli pocitu, \u017ee \u010d\u00e1st m\u00e9ho \u017eivota skon\u010dila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moje p\u0159\u00edtelkyn\u011b m\u011b za\u010daly nav\u0161t\u011bvovat \u010dast\u011bji. Nosily kol\u00e1\u010de, v\u00edno a dlouh\u00e9 rozhovory o tom, jak je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9 p\u0159ijmout realitu. Tvrdily, \u017ee v na\u0161em v\u011bku u\u017e nen\u00ed \u010das na nov\u00e9 za\u010d\u00e1tky. \u017de je lep\u0161\u00ed soust\u0159edit se na d\u011bti, vnou\u010data, zahr\u00e1dku nebo cestov\u00e1n\u00ed s kamar\u00e1dkami.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eTe\u010f m\u00e1\u0161 kone\u010dn\u011b klid,\u201c \u0159\u00edkala Jana. \u201e\u017d\u00e1dn\u00e9 h\u00e1dky, \u017e\u00e1dn\u00e9 starosti. U\u017eij si to.\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eMu\u017ei v na\u0161em v\u011bku stejn\u011b hledaj\u00ed jen mlad\u0161\u00ed \u017eeny,\u201c p\u0159id\u00e1vala se Alena. \u201eA ty p\u0159ece nepot\u0159ebuje\u0161 dal\u0161\u00ed zklam\u00e1n\u00ed.\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naslouchala jsem jim a sna\u017eila se v\u011b\u0159it, \u017ee maj\u00ed pravdu. N\u011bjakou dobu jsem se opravdu sna\u017eila \u017e\u00edt podle jejich p\u0159edstav. Za\u010dala jsem chodit na dlouh\u00e9 proch\u00e1zky, \u010detla jsem knihy, kter\u00e9 jsem d\u0159\u00edv odkl\u00e1dala, a dokonce jsem se p\u0159ihl\u00e1sila do kurzu malov\u00e1n\u00ed. Bylo to p\u0159\u00edjemn\u00e9, klidn\u00e9, skoro terapeutick\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jen\u017ee n\u011bkde uprost\u0159ed toho klidu jsem za\u010dala c\u00edtit zvl\u00e1\u0161tn\u00ed pr\u00e1zdnotu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jednoho ve\u010dera jsem sed\u011bla u okna, d\u00edvala se na sv\u011btla m\u011bsta a uv\u011bdomila si n\u011bco jednoduch\u00e9ho: j\u00e1 je\u0161t\u011b nechci b\u00fdt \u201ehotov\u00e1\u201c. Nechci \u017e\u00edt jen vzpom\u00ednkami a rutinou. Nechci p\u0159edst\u00edrat, \u017ee jsem p\u0159estala b\u00fdt \u017eenou.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ten pocit m\u011b p\u0159ekvapil. Bylo v n\u011bm trochu strachu, ale tak\u00e9 vzru\u0161en\u00ed. Jako by se ve mn\u011b probudila \u010d\u00e1st osobnosti, kterou jsem dlouho potla\u010dovala.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Za\u010dala jsem si v\u00edc v\u0161\u00edmat lid\u00ed kolem sebe. V kav\u00e1rn\u00e1ch, v parku, v knihkupectv\u00ed. Najednou jsem si uv\u011bdomila, \u017ee sv\u011bt je pln\u00fd p\u0159\u00edb\u011bh\u016f, mo\u017enost\u00ed a setk\u00e1n\u00ed. \u017de \u017eivot nekon\u010d\u00ed v pades\u00e1ti \u010dty\u0159ech letech.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kdy\u017e jsem se o tom jednou zm\u00ednila p\u0159\u00edtelkyn\u00edm, reagovaly p\u0159esn\u011b tak, jak jsem o\u010dek\u00e1vala.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eTy ses zbl\u00e1znila,\u201c prohl\u00e1sila Jana a skoro se zakuckala sm\u00edchem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eV\u00e1\u017en\u011b chce\u0161 chodit na rande?\u201c zeptala se Alena nev\u011b\u0159\u00edcn\u011b.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201ePro\u010d ne?\u201c odpov\u011bd\u011bla jsem klidn\u011b.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pod\u00edvaly se na m\u011b, jako bych ozn\u00e1mila, \u017ee se chyst\u00e1m sko\u010dit pad\u00e1kem bez pad\u00e1ku.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201eProto\u017ee to nen\u00ed pro n\u00e1s,\u201c \u0159ekla Jana. \u201eTo pat\u0159\u00ed mlad\u00fdm.\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jen\u017ee j\u00e1 jsem poprv\u00e9 po dlouh\u00e9 dob\u011b c\u00edtila, \u017ee nechci poslouchat, co \u201epat\u0159\u00ed\u201c komu. \u017divot nen\u00ed sout\u011b\u017e o to, kdo nejl\u00e9pe spln\u00ed o\u010dek\u00e1v\u00e1n\u00ed ostatn\u00edch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u011bkdy si mysl\u00edm, \u017ee lid\u00e9 se nejv\u00edc boj\u00ed zm\u011bny u t\u011bch, kter\u00e9 znaj\u00ed. Kdy\u017e se n\u011bkdo rozhodne vystoupit z role, kterou mu p\u0159id\u011blili, za\u010dne je to znerv\u00f3z\u0148ovat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ale j\u00e1 jsem u\u017e m\u011bla dost \u017eivota podle ciz\u00edch pravidel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Za\u010dala jsem se v\u00edc starat o sebe. Ne proto, abych n\u011bkoho ohromila, ale proto, \u017ee jsem se cht\u011bla znovu c\u00edtit \u017eiv\u00e1. Koupila jsem si nov\u00e9 \u0161aty, zm\u011bnila \u00fa\u010des a dovolila si mal\u00e9 radosti, kter\u00e9 jsem d\u0159\u00edv pova\u017eovala za zbyte\u010dn\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A v\u00edte co? Sv\u011bt se nezhroutil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naopak \u2013 za\u010dal b\u00fdt zaj\u00edmav\u011bj\u0161\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u011bkdy si \u0159\u00edk\u00e1m, \u017ee nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00ed chyba, kterou \u017eeny d\u011blaj\u00ed, nen\u00ed to, \u017ee hledaj\u00ed l\u00e1sku v pozd\u011bj\u0161\u00edm v\u011bku. Nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00ed chyba je, \u017ee uv\u011b\u0159\u00ed, \u017ee u\u017e na ni nemaj\u00ed pr\u00e1vo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mo\u017en\u00e1 m\u011b moje p\u0159\u00edtelkyn\u011b po\u0159\u00e1d pova\u017euj\u00ed za bl\u00e1zna. Mo\u017en\u00e1 si mysl\u00ed, \u017ee si jen namlouv\u00e1m n\u011bco, co nem\u016f\u017ee fungovat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ale j\u00e1 v\u00edm jedno: rad\u011bji budu trochu bl\u00e1zniv\u00e1 a otev\u0159en\u00e1 nov\u00fdm mo\u017enostem, ne\u017e abych zbytek \u017eivota pro\u017eila v bezpe\u010dn\u00e9m, ale pr\u00e1zdn\u00e9m klidu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proto\u017ee \u017eivot \u2013 skute\u010dn\u00fd \u017eivot \u2013 neza\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 ani nekon\u010d\u00ed podle v\u011bku v ob\u010dansk\u00e9m pr\u016fkazu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Za\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 ve chv\u00edli, kdy se \u010dlov\u011bk rozhodne, \u017ee je\u0161t\u011b nechce p\u0159estat \u017e\u00edt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u0158\u00edkaly to s jistotou, jako by existoval n\u011bjak\u00fd nepsan\u00fd z\u00e1kon, kter\u00fd p\u0159esn\u011b ur\u010duje, kdy m\u00e1 \u017eena p\u0159estat sn\u00edt, kdy m\u00e1 zav\u0159\u00edt dve\u0159e za \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4331,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"views":315,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4330"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4330\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4332,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4330\/revisions\/4332"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}