{"id":3950,"date":"2026-02-12T20:23:05","date_gmt":"2026-02-12T20:23:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=3950"},"modified":"2026-02-12T20:23:05","modified_gmt":"2026-02-12T20:23:05","slug":"kdyz-jsem-lezela-na-studene-podlaze-sotva-jsem-dokazala-dychat-bolest-mi-svirala-cele-telo-hlava-se-mi-tocila-a-svet-kolem-se-rozmazaval-do-temnych-skvrn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=3950","title":{"rendered":"Kdy\u017e jsem le\u017eela na studen\u00e9 podlaze, sotva jsem dok\u00e1zala d\u00fdchat. Bolest mi sv\u00edrala cel\u00e9 t\u011blo, hlava se mi to\u010dila a sv\u011bt kolem se rozmaz\u00e1val do temn\u00fdch skvrn."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Byla jsem sama. Ticho m\u00edstnosti bylo t\u011b\u017ek\u00e9, dusiv\u00e9, jen sem tam zachv\u011blo oknem a odneslo jemn\u00fd chladn\u00fd vzduch dovnit\u0159. Ka\u017ed\u00fd n\u00e1dech byl jako boj \u2013 pl\u00edce se mi zd\u00e1ly pln\u00e9 ohn\u011b a z\u00e1rove\u0148 pr\u00e1zdnoty. Ka\u017ed\u00fd pohyb kon\u010detin byl nemo\u017en\u00fd, jako by m\u00e9 t\u011blo odm\u00edtalo spolupracovat s m\u00fdm v\u011bdom\u00edm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Vzpom\u00ednky se mi za\u010daly m\u00edsit s realitou. Vid\u011bla jsem tv\u00e1\u0159e lid\u00ed, kte\u0159\u00ed m\u011b milovali, tv\u00e1\u0159e, kter\u00e9 m\u011b zradily, a v\u0161echny drobn\u00e9 okam\u017eiky, kter\u00e9 jsem pova\u017eovala za bezv\u00fdznamn\u00e9. Nyn\u00ed se zd\u00e1ly b\u00fdt kl\u00ed\u010dem k pochopen\u00ed bolesti, kter\u00e1 m\u011b pohlcovala. Bylo to, jako by ka\u017ed\u00e1 minul\u00e1 chyba, ka\u017ed\u00fd p\u0159ehl\u00e9dnut\u00fd okam\u017eik, ka\u017ed\u00fd zbyte\u010dn\u00fd v\u00fdk\u0159ik nebo slovo m\u011b stahoval hloub\u011bji do t\u00e9to temnoty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sna\u017eila jsem se pohnout rukou, ale svaly neposlouchaly. Sna\u017eila jsem se zav\u0159\u00edt o\u010di, abych unikla od vn\u011bj\u0161\u00edho sv\u011bta, ale tma byla v\u0161ude \u2013 v ka\u017ed\u00e9m kout\u011b m\u00e9 mysli, v ka\u017ed\u00e9 st\u011bn\u011b m\u00edstnosti, v ka\u017ed\u00e9m zvuku, kter\u00fd se ztr\u00e1cel v ozv\u011bn\u011b.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sly\u0161ela jsem vzd\u00e1len\u00e9 zvuky \u2013 mo\u017en\u00e1 kroky na chodb\u011b, mo\u017en\u00e1 jen m\u016fj vlastn\u00ed klid\u00edc\u00ed dech. V\u0161echny zvuky byly vzd\u00e1len\u00e9, jako by pat\u0159ily n\u011bkomu jin\u00e9mu. A p\u0159itom ka\u017ed\u00fd n\u00e1znak pohybu v m\u00e9m zorn\u00e9m poli byl doprov\u00e1zen ostrou bolest\u00ed, kter\u00e1 pronikala a\u017e k m\u00fdm kostem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u00edtila jsem, jak se sv\u011bt kolem m\u011b rozpl\u00fdv\u00e1. St\u011bny, n\u00e1bytek, sv\u011btlo lampy \u2013 v\u0161echno se spojilo do jednoho rozmazan\u00e9ho chaosu. Barvy se m\u00edsily, tvary ztr\u00e1cely hranice a j\u00e1 jsem se ocitla v podivn\u00e9m stavu mezi bd\u011bn\u00edm a sn\u011bn\u00edm, mezi \u017eivotem a n\u011b\u010d\u00edm, co p\u0159ipom\u00ednalo propast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vzpomn\u011bla jsem si na posledn\u00ed okam\u017eiky p\u0159ed t\u00edm, ne\u017e jsem upadla \u2013 na rozhovor, na kroky, kter\u00e9 jsem sly\u0161ela p\u0159ich\u00e1zet, na n\u00e1hlou ostrou bolest v b\u0159i\u0161e. Tehdy jsem nev\u011bd\u011bla, \u017ee to bude tak intenzivn\u00ed. Te\u010f jsem c\u00edtila ka\u017ed\u00fd detail, ka\u017ed\u00fd okam\u017eik bolesti, kter\u00fd se p\u0159elil do m\u00fdch sval\u016f, kost\u00ed, nerv\u016f a ka\u017ed\u00e9ho dechu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A p\u0159esto, i v t\u00e9 temnot\u011b, i v t\u00e9 rozmazan\u00e9 realit\u011b, se ve mn\u011b rodila slab\u00e1 jiskra nad\u011bje. V\u011bd\u011bla jsem, \u017ee i kdy\u017e t\u011blo neposlouch\u00e1, v\u011bdom\u00ed z\u016fst\u00e1v\u00e1. V\u011bd\u011bla jsem, \u017ee i kdy\u017e se v\u0161echno zd\u00e1 ztracen\u00e9, existuje \u0161ance \u2013 i mal\u00e1, sotva znateln\u00e1 \u2013 \u017ee p\u0159e\u017eiji, \u017ee se zvednu, \u017ee se nadechnu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sna\u017eila jsem se soust\u0159edit na tu jiskru. Ka\u017ed\u00fd mal\u00fd pohyb ruky, ka\u017ed\u00fd pokus o nadechnut\u00ed, ka\u017ed\u00fd pokus mysli z\u016fstat bd\u011bl\u00e1 byl krokem k p\u0159e\u017eit\u00ed. T\u011bla okolo m\u011b mo\u017en\u00e1 nebyla, mo\u017en\u00e1 nikdo nep\u0159i\u0161el, ale v mn\u011b z\u016fst\u00e1vala v\u016fle nepodd\u00e1t se.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pomalu, bolestn\u011b, za\u010dala jsem c\u00edtit, \u017ee n\u011bco uvnit\u0159 m\u011b se nezdol\u00e1v\u00e1. I kdy\u017e ka\u017ed\u00e1 bu\u0148ka m\u00e9ho t\u011bla volala po klidu, po vzd\u00e1n\u00ed se, m\u00e9 v\u011bdom\u00ed dr\u017eelo pevn\u011b. Byla to kombinace strachu, bolesti a podivn\u00e9, tich\u00e9 s\u00edly \u2013 s\u00edly, kter\u00e1 \u0159\u00edkala, \u017ee i kdy\u017e v\u0161echno ostatn\u00ed selhalo, st\u00e1le mohu bojovat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le\u017eela jsem tam dlouho, v temnot\u011b, na studen\u00e9 podlaze, a p\u0159itom se u\u010dila trp\u011bt a z\u00e1rove\u0148 se dr\u017eet \u017eivota. Bolest byla nep\u0159\u00edjemn\u00e1, d\u011bsiv\u00e1, ale z\u00e1rove\u0148 byla p\u0159ipom\u00ednkou, \u017ee jsem je\u0161t\u011b \u017eiv\u00e1. Ka\u017ed\u00fd n\u00e1dech, i kdy\u017e sotva sly\u0161iteln\u00fd, byl v\u00edt\u011bzstv\u00edm. Ka\u017ed\u00fd okam\u017eik, kdy jsem se udr\u017eela v bd\u011bl\u00e9m stavu, byl krokem k tomu, abych p\u0159e\u017eila a na\u0161la cestu ven z chaosu, kter\u00fd m\u011b obklopoval.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A v tom tichu, mezi rozmazanou realitou a ostrou bolest\u00ed, jsem si uv\u011bdomila, \u017ee \u017eivot je pevn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e jak\u00e1koli chv\u00edle slabosti. \u017de i kdy\u017e t\u011blo selh\u00e1v\u00e1, duch z\u016fst\u00e1v\u00e1. A \u017ee z t\u00e9to temnoty, z tohoto chaosu, mohu znovu vst\u00e1t \u2013 pomalu, bolestn\u011b, ale pevn\u011b \u2013 a pokra\u010dovat d\u00e1l.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Byla jsem sama. Ticho m\u00edstnosti bylo t\u011b\u017ek\u00e9, dusiv\u00e9, jen sem tam zachv\u011blo oknem a odneslo jemn\u00fd chladn\u00fd vzduch dovnit\u0159. Ka\u017ed\u00fd n\u00e1dech byl jako \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3950","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"views":422,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3950","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3950"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3950\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3952,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3950\/revisions\/3952"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3950"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3950"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3950"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}