{"id":3887,"date":"2026-02-08T08:03:31","date_gmt":"2026-02-08T08:03:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=3887"},"modified":"2026-02-08T08:03:31","modified_gmt":"2026-02-08T08:03:31","slug":"a-uz-jsem-to-nevydrzela","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=3887","title":{"rendered":"A u\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A u\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela. Dny se st\u0159\u00eddaly jako \u0161ediv\u00e9 p\u00e1sky na star\u00e9 televizn\u00ed obrazovce \u2013 bez barvy, bez radosti, bez nad\u011bje. Ka\u017ed\u00e9 r\u00e1no jsem se probouzela s pocitem, \u017ee u\u017e nem\u00e1m s\u00edlu vst\u00e1t, a ka\u017ed\u00e1 noc byla jen prodlou\u017een\u00edm dne, kter\u00fd mi nic ned\u00e1val.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u017divot kolem m\u011b pokra\u010doval, ale j\u00e1 byla jako zastaven\u00fd obraz. Lid\u00e9 se m\u011b sna\u017eili p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010dit, \u017ee v\u0161echno bude dobr\u00e9, \u017ee mus\u00edm b\u00fdt siln\u00e1, \u017ee \u201eto p\u0159ejde\u201c. Ale j\u00e1 u\u017e c\u00edtila, \u017ee nemohu d\u00e1l p\u0159edst\u00edrat. V ka\u017ed\u00e9m \u00fasm\u011bvu jsem vid\u011bla fale\u0161nou masku, v ka\u017ed\u00e9m rozhovoru pr\u00e1zdn\u00e9 slovo. A u\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vzpom\u00ednala jsem na d\u011btstv\u00ed, kdy sv\u011bt byl barevn\u00fd, ka\u017ed\u00fd den pln\u00fd objev\u016f, sm\u00edchu a ne\u010dekan\u00fdch z\u00e1zrak\u016f. Kde se ty dny pod\u011bly? Kdy se v\u0161echno zm\u011bnilo v monot\u00f3nn\u00ed \u0161edou, ve kterou se \u010dlov\u011bk ztr\u00e1c\u00ed, ani\u017e by si toho v\u0161iml? Ty vzpom\u00ednky se te\u010f vracely jako ostr\u00e9 st\u0159epy, kter\u00e9 mi \u0159ezaly du\u0161i.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sed\u011bla jsem u okna a sledovala kapky de\u0161t\u011b, jak st\u00e9kaj\u00ed po skle. Ka\u017ed\u00e1 z nich byla jako mal\u00fd p\u0159\u00edb\u011bh, kter\u00fd skon\u010dil d\u0159\u00edv, ne\u017e mohl za\u010d\u00edt. A j\u00e1 jsem c\u00edtila, jak se uvnit\u0159 m\u011b n\u011bco l\u00e1me. U\u017e jsem nemohla d\u00e1l. U\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nebylo to jen o \u00fanav\u011b t\u011bla. Bylo to o vy\u010derp\u00e1n\u00ed mysli, o pocitu, \u017ee ka\u017ed\u00fd krok, kter\u00fd ud\u011bl\u00e1m, je zbyte\u010dn\u00fd. O beznad\u011bji, kter\u00e1 se stala sou\u010d\u00e1st\u00ed m\u00e9 existence. P\u0159em\u00fd\u0161lela jsem o tom, kdo jsem, kdo bych mohla b\u00fdt, a pro\u010d se zd\u00e1, \u017ee v\u0161echny cesty vedou do slep\u00e9 uli\u010dky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pak jsem si uv\u011bdomila, \u017ee \u201enevydr\u017eet\u201c neznamen\u00e1 kapitulovat. Znamen\u00e1 to p\u0159iznat si pravdu, \u010delit pocit\u016fm, kter\u00e9 jsem dlouho potla\u010dovala, a naj\u00edt cestu ven. Bylo to jako otev\u0159\u00edt dve\u0159e do nezn\u00e1ma \u2013 sice d\u011bsiv\u00e9, ale mo\u017en\u00e1 osvobozuj\u00edc\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A tak jsem se rozhodla. Postavit se strachu, smutku, vy\u010derpanosti a bolestem. Za\u010d\u00edt znovu, pomalu, po mal\u00fdch kroc\u00edch. Proto\u017ee u\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela\u2026 ale mo\u017en\u00e1 pr\u00e1v\u011b d\u00edky tomu se za\u010dala rod\u00edt s\u00edla, kterou jsem ani netu\u0161ila, \u017ee m\u00e1m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ten okam\u017eik, kdy jsem kone\u010dn\u011b p\u0159ijala, \u017ee nemohu v\u0161echno dr\u017eet uvnit\u0159, se stal zlomov\u00fdm. Slzy, kter\u00e9 tekly po tv\u00e1\u0159i, nebyly zn\u00e1mkou slabosti, ale o\u010distn\u00e9ho procesu. A poprv\u00e9 po dlouh\u00e9 dob\u011b jsem c\u00edtila, \u017ee existuje sv\u011btlo na konci t\u00e9 nekone\u010dn\u00e9 \u0161ed\u00e9 tunely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A u\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela \u2013 a pr\u00e1v\u011b to m\u011b zachr\u00e1nilo.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A u\u017e jsem to nevydr\u017eela. Dny se st\u0159\u00eddaly jako \u0161ediv\u00e9 p\u00e1sky na star\u00e9 televizn\u00ed obrazovce \u2013 bez barvy, bez radosti, bez nad\u011bje. Ka\u017ed\u00e9 \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3888,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3887","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"views":599,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3887","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3887"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3887\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3889,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3887\/revisions\/3889"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3888"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3887"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3887"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3887"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}