{"id":3676,"date":"2026-01-27T06:03:10","date_gmt":"2026-01-27T06:03:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=3676"},"modified":"2026-01-27T06:03:11","modified_gmt":"2026-01-27T06:03:11","slug":"uz-jsem-se-nemodlila-loucila-jsem-se-se-zivotem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/?p=3676","title":{"rendered":"U\u017e jsem se nemodlila. Lou\u010dila jsem se se \u017eivotem."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Le\u017eela jsem na studen\u00e9 podlaze koupelny a poslouchala kapky vody, jak dopadaj\u00ed do umyvadla s p\u0159esnost\u00ed metronomu. Ka\u017ed\u00fd zvuk byl a\u017e nep\u0159\u00edjemn\u011b ostr\u00fd, jako by se sv\u011bt rozhodl z\u016fstat bd\u011bl\u00fd pr\u00e1v\u011b ve chv\u00edli, kdy jsem u\u017e nem\u011bla s\u00edlu ho un\u00e9st. U\u017e jsem se nemodlila. Nem\u011bla jsem komu ani o co. V t\u00e9 chv\u00edli jsem se se \u017eivotem sp\u00ed\u0161 ti\u0161e lou\u010dila, bez dramat, bez posledn\u00edch p\u0159\u00e1n\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My\u0161lenky se pohybovaly pomalu, ale byly t\u011b\u017ek\u00e9. Ne\u0161lo o jednu konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed bolest, sp\u00ed\u0161 o jejich \u00fanavn\u00fd sou\u010det. Ne\u00fasp\u011bchy, nevy\u0159\u010den\u00e1 slova, vztahy, kter\u00e9 se rozpadly d\u0159\u00edv, ne\u017e dostaly \u0161anci. P\u0159ipadala jsem si jako m\u00edstnost po ve\u010d\u00edrku \u2014 pr\u00e1zdn\u00e1, ulepen\u00e1 a zapomenut\u00e1, kdy\u017e v\u0161ichni ostatn\u00ed ode\u0161li.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pamatuji si, jak jsem se sna\u017eila soust\u0159edit na dech. N\u00e1dech. V\u00fddech. Ka\u017ed\u00fd dal\u0161\u00ed byl o n\u011bco slab\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e ten p\u0159edchoz\u00ed. Hlavou mi probleskla vzpom\u00ednka na d\u011btstv\u00ed, na l\u00e9to, kdy v\u0161echno d\u00e1valo smysl jen proto, \u017ee sv\u00edtilo slunce a n\u011bkdo se sm\u00e1l. P\u0159ekvapilo m\u011b, \u017ee se v t\u00e9 temnot\u011b objevilo n\u011bco tak oby\u010dejn\u00e9ho a tepl\u00e9ho. Mo\u017en\u00e1 to byl mozek, kter\u00fd se br\u00e1nil, nebo posledn\u00ed vzdor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u010cas se rozt\u00e1hl. Nev\u00edm, jestli uplynuly minuty, nebo cel\u00e9 hodiny. P\u0159estala jsem p\u0159em\u00fd\u0161let o tom, co bude, proto\u017ee budoucnost u\u017e pro m\u011b nem\u011bla tvar. Z\u016fstalo jen t\u011blo, unaven\u00e9 a t\u011b\u017ek\u00e9, a ticho, kter\u00e9 nebylo d\u011bsiv\u00e9, sp\u00ed\u0161 konej\u0161iv\u00e9. Jako kdy\u017e zav\u0159ete o\u010di po dlouh\u00e9m dni a dovol\u00edte si kone\u010dn\u011b nic ne\u0159e\u0161it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A p\u0159esto \u2014 n\u011bkde hluboko, t\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 nepost\u0159ehnuteln\u011b, se ozvalo cosi jin\u00e9ho. Nebyl to hlas, sp\u00ed\u0161 pocit. Slab\u00fd, tvrdohlav\u00fd impuls, kter\u00fd \u0159\u00edkal, \u017ee tohle mo\u017en\u00e1 je\u0161t\u011b nen\u00ed \u00fapln\u011b konec. Ne slib \u0161t\u011bst\u00ed, ne z\u00e1zrak. Jen mal\u00fd odpor v\u016f\u010di definitiv\u011b. Jako kdy\u017e plamen sv\u00ed\u010dky cukne, i kdy\u017e u\u017e doch\u00e1z\u00ed vosk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zvednout se bolelo. Ka\u017ed\u00fd pohyb byl kompromisem mezi v\u016fl\u00ed a vy\u010derp\u00e1n\u00edm. Op\u0159ela jsem se o vanu a zhluboka se nadechla. Vzduch chutnal oby\u010dejn\u011b \u2014 a pr\u00e1v\u011b to m\u011b p\u0159ekvapilo nejv\u00edc. Sv\u011bt se nezm\u011bnil, nebyl n\u00e1hle lep\u0161\u00ed ani vl\u00eddn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed. Jen tam po\u0159\u00e1d byl. A j\u00e1 v n\u011bm taky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neza\u010dala jsem se modlit. M\u00edsto toho jsem si \u0159ekla jedin\u00e9: \u201eJe\u0161t\u011b chv\u00edli.\u201c Je\u0161t\u011b jeden den, je\u0161t\u011b jednu noc. Ne kv\u016fli nad\u011bji, ale kv\u016fli zv\u011bdavosti, jestli se ten tich\u00fd odpor z\u00edtra ozve znovu. Lou\u010den\u00ed se \u017eivotem se tak prom\u011bnilo v odklad. K\u0159ehk\u00fd, nejist\u00fd \u2014 ale skute\u010dn\u00fd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A mo\u017en\u00e1 pr\u00e1v\u011b v tom byl prvn\u00ed krok zp\u00e1tky. Ne v odvaze ani ve v\u00ed\u0159e, ale v prost\u00e9m rozhodnut\u00ed nezmizet dnes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Le\u017eela jsem na studen\u00e9 podlaze koupelny a poslouchala kapky vody, jak dopadaj\u00ed do umyvadla s p\u0159esnost\u00ed metronomu. Ka\u017ed\u00fd zvuk byl a\u017e nep\u0159\u00edjemn\u011b ostr\u00fd, \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3677,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"views":773,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3676","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3676"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3676\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3678,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3676\/revisions\/3678"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3677"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3676"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3676"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harcum.am\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3676"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}